SATURDAY, OCTOBER 27TH, 2012

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oh NYC

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from lounging around the trump building on riverside, dinner at room service, to hobbling over to milk & honey, greenhouse, a few in between, and ending at 230fifth, although not drunk, nor raging from dance music, the cab rides all over nyc were no doubt the highlight of our evening

the celebration of my best friends 22nd birthday went down this weekend, just girls

akeg was reunited, +co.

it was really really nice, no sloppiness, no drama, no hate, just girls having fun.. oh and painfully tall heels – and blisters [but they were worth it]

sunday was a great way to start this week, i used it as my leisure day, enjoyed myself very much, today a full day of school, tomorrow back into the city for my nyu exam, should be interesting

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me and one of my girls

cheers to happiness & a great week

begin again

recently i’ve been listening to a lot of colbie caillat; i began listening to her probably about 3 years ago, before anyone knew who she was.. but it’s fine – good music spreads quickly. but anyway, i’m actually sitting at my desk, in my office – at the restaurant. i’m still in a shitty mood. i haven’t felt this way in a really really really long time, in fact – i’m not sure i’ve been this bummed – ever. just that all negative events occured, hit me hard – stuff i didn’t see coming, i wasn’t ready for. things i can’t go back to and change – things i have no control over. but thats life now, isn’t it. anyway – i don’t know how to change my damn emotions. i’m always always always in a good mood,  i mean, prior to this whole week, which i won’t get into detail about, but i’m always trying to be happy, i hate being down – and now, there are just so many things running through my head, like – i don’t even know how to filter them out, or rather i don’t know if i should. i feel like i need an escape – call me dramatic, but perhaps i need a roadtrip, i need to clear my head. i havent figured out a way how, YET. school has been keeping me busy – but thats another thing i’m worried about, bills are piling up, and my goals in life have changed,  what am i going to do with my life? for the first time in life, i don’t have a damn plan. i mean what happened to me?

i need new substrate. i’m not sure where to find it – i’m not sure what it is i can cling onto. but i need to. maybe an addiction. i’m thinking like a crazy person, i’m not depressed – i don’t believe in that shit. i’m an overall happy person, i just need to, relax, i guess. but i don’t know how to do that. i need a hobby maybe. maybe that’s what i need. i need to give myself time from the people i am surrounded by, i need to focus on solely me – but how am i supposed to do that when i live with my parents, attend the same school my brother does, i don’t have a license. i can’t exactly go where i please. maybe i should take up drawing again. or maybe i should start dancing again, i could dance, but i’d have to take the train? am i doing that? negative – i guess i’ll start drawing again, i can’t believe i’m rambling. to myself really. but it’s fine, there’s no one i’d rather talk to but myself. i’ve never felt this angry at the world. situations that happen – anything can happen in a matter of seconds. lives are altered.

 

okay. i’m stopping. i’ve gotta get my shit together. WHO AM I? i can’t fucking believe i’m in this state of mind. i have no explanation for it.

fix me; annakay