something borrowed

from ialeks

“over a month ago I wrote a post called UNDATABLE! under the influence of a book that I came across, this time I want to write something from myself.

now, i know that no one is perfect, and it is impossible to find a guy that I’m about to write about, but the more of those good little things the better! I myself tend to fall for the worse, or happen to be overwhelmed by the good qualities that vanish away shortly after I’ve falled head over heals, but here is my piece of advice:

Let’s start from the beginning, [1]PICK UP LINES! I’ve heard some horrible ones and some good ones, but one rule that’s worth remembering, is  that the girl you’re talking to needs to be respected! she’s not an object, she doesn’t like to be called “hot”, she prefers beautiful, and if she really is sunning, than the chances are she hears it all the time, so you have to try a little bit harder. If she has brains, complement her on that, but also don’t forget her good looks, if you will stay off the topic completely, she will eventually think that you are only attracted to her intellectually and that’s not a good thing!

[2] THE TALK. I personally cannot stand two things when guys text me, it’s when they use abbreviations such as “u” or “r”, do you seriously do not have those extra two seconds to move your fingers from button to button? Are you that lazy or do you not care enough? and than the word “gotcha”, what the fuck is that even supposed to mean? Do you realize how foolish you look when you say it? Go play in a Will Farrell movie, that’s when it’s acceptable. Talk like you care, listen, be comfortable, don’t use infomercial talk. We do not want to spend evenings talking to a guy who sounds like he is trying to sell us a refrigerator. I’ve already got one of those.

Have a sense of [3] STYLE. Seriously, you do not need a wardrobe from Express to impress a girl, all it takes is a decent pair of jeans and a v-neck -that beats anything and you can get it potentially anywhere. Look at yourself in the mirror once in a while! You do not look cool with those awful prints all over the place and ridiculous stitches on your pants. If you wear business clothes all day long, than stay in it! It impresses people. I have a guy in my Thursday evening class that comes there right after work, there isn’t a bigger turn on than a guy in a dressy shirt tucked into his pants. That has only one effect on a woman: “I want to rip that shirt off of you!”

[4] DO WHAT I DO. Have a cigarette with me. You only smoke sometimes? Well good enough, keep me company, let’s bond over those 5 minutes, it really pays off. Take interest in what I do, ask about my favorite artist, take me out to a museum, I don’t care that you might hate it; fuck, don’t worry about it, I will watch the games with you if I see that you care enough about my shit too.

And than when it’s time for [5] SEX don’t be a jerk. You’re a man, we get it, sometimes you get in the mood instantly, but if you see that we are not up for it, stop trying and trying. If you won’t get my pants off my ass within the first 5 minutes, chances are you won’t succeed at all, and that’s not what I’m looking for with you. Be comfortable, there are all sorts of things going on in bed that both sides need to consider, there is nothing worse than staying silent and wondering, did it feel good? Should I have used a condom or maybe I shouldn’t have? Was it long enough? Did she get there? Oh and about that! Try your hardest so she does, taking care of your own needs and letting it be is not a plus, it just says one thing about you; selfish.

Don’t be an [6] ASSHOLE. There are two kinds of assholes, those that are very open and honest about it, and those that hide it away. If that lies in your nature, be straight up, say what you think, do what you want, apologize when you see that you’re crossing the line. If you’re a silent asshole, than I just have one thing to say to you; STFU & GTFO my time is too precious to insult you thoroughly.

Now that you’ve got what you wanted and we are at that awkward stage when you don’t know if something will come out of it, don’t forget to [7] CALL. One phone call a week is not enough, I don’t care how much you work! Things won’t move magically, I’m not up for getting to know you once a week over a meal, fuck, I’ll forget everything about you by monday morning, you have to get you’re shit together and remind me that you exist and that you’re interested. And my biggest pet peeve with guys that are “texters”, if you’re basically on the phone with me throughout the day and you’re texting me good morning and than keep on during it throughout my afternoon, don’t forget about “Goodnight”. There is nothing more awkward when a person just stops to text out of nowhere, if you’re at work, busy, if you leave your phone in your car when you go to the gym, it’s completely fine, I don’t have time to bother your ass all day either, but be considerate and remember that “I will talk to you later” kind of thing is nice & respectful.

stick around long enough till i know that you care.

and one last one! [8] CARE ABOUT ME. Two things fall under that when I’m just getting to know a person. Don’t force drinks into me if I will be driving that same night! That screams that you don’t give a shit if I get home alright or not! If you want me to loosen up do so by being funny! And take interest in me actually getting home safely. I’m a driver, I love doing so, but please, a phone call or a text asking if everything is alright at the end of the night is nicely appreciated, of course unless you just don’t give a shit, than once again STFU & GTFO; not wasting my time to write that out for you.”


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