with every breath i breathe.

my life is restricted by several factors:

1) i don’t have a damn license

2) i live in my workplace

3) i live at home

4) my friends live an hour [+] away from me

.. as of right now – these are the obstacles i face, – i am officially saving up money, hopefully – by junior year, i will be dorming, or living somewhere other than home – as much as i love this place, i am so totally ready to get away.

i’m not quite sure why this came to mind, however – it happened.

after nineteen years of living my life – i think, i really understand myself, you know? but – negative, i don’t. i surprise myself with how i react to things – i surprise myself with every move i make really.

i think i want to live in the city.

but i probably don’t – i dont know. maybe its the whole – you can be whoever you want to be, ‘i’m independent’ thing i like, can’t quite put my finger on it – could be all the tall buildings and noise.

that’s me right now – i almost feel stuck.

i cannot wait till i get my license – i really hope i do. i’m an idiot for not getting it 3 years ago.

i am now going to sleep; to dream of grand things; goodnight :]


4 thoughts on “with every breath i breathe.

  1. “after nineteen years of living my life – i think, i really understand myself, you know? but – negative, i don’t. i surprise myself with how i react to things – i surprise myself with every move i make really.”

    thats exactly how i felt couple months ago. i think its because i was finally facing the reality and life was giving me a push. i had to do what i was forced to do because i wanted to help my mom and had to move away. at that point i didn’t care much of what was happening beause i was so worn out by all the problems that i gave up and let the life carry me, with the hope that it will bring something better. after spending couple weeks in chicago doing completely nothing and having all the time in the world to think i realized that i was constricted. i felt like someone tied me to a chair and i couldnt do anyhing about it. and although (different from your situation) i did have my license, my car, the opportunity to get up and find any job i want, apply to any school i want, take any course i’d like and basically do anything i want–it did not feel any good at all. i felt stuck, because the options i had did not make me happy. than i started a battle with myself which i can tell by your pervious posts that you were going through something similar. i started thinking of myself only, i stopped carrying that it would break my moms heart if she saw my interest in coming back to nj. stopped giving a damn what would anyone say if i decided to skip another semester and do something different with my life. and as each day passed by and i had to face many negative comments and looks from my mom, family and everyone around i realized that their opinion doesnt matter. i started living for myself. and although my situation is completely different, and im sure there is many other young people in the world dealing with this same breakthrough that we are in totally different ways. i believe that this feeling of understading yourself and the urge to fly away from your nest and leaving the daily monotony is simply growing up and realizing that you’re an adult and have the power to make your choices to make yourself happy, because we are the ones living our lives, no one else, so what should matter the most is what gives US the ultimate satisfaction and happiness

    • dude, you’re so totally right. i feel like once i get my license – i will be able to do as i please, i will be able to do what I WANT to do – and not what i should be doing.. i mean – things that will make me happy of course, it may sound weird – but i do miss you.

      who would have ever fucking thought. lmao.
      everything happens for a reason i guess.
      glad you’re doing what makes you happy.

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