sounds so surreal


ladies and gentlemen – we are indeed moving forward

we have made it to twenty-ten; many of us bruised and scratched up by the past – some have already put their bandaids on, wanting to forget whats under them – others are going in head first and diving into what the future holds – what’s next?

i for one, spent new year’s eve & day with my wonderful roommate & friend louis <3

we went into the city; got snowed on – which was amazing ; shoved through hundreds of foreigners & locals – i was crying about how i wanted to be a european immigrant – eventhough, i guess technically i am – but whatever

i’m nervous for this year, i really want to believe it’s going to be a good one – technically nothing changes – however –  with that said, everything is different.

the snow from last night has almost melted away, i am still currently not registered for the spring semester – i celebrated new year’s without the people i grew up with for about the third year in a row – who’s going to be by my side in ten years? – well, i figured out, that it doesn’t matter – those who are with me at this point in my life are who matter – they show interest in me, in my life, in those i care for – ten years from now – i could be successful – could be in england – i could be divorced – i could be a college dropout – i could be dead – who cares right now about who will be with me – however, i shall remain optimistic – i will be successful – i will have children – i will be surrounded by those who love me –  i will have a loving husband who wants to & will spend time with me –

i was watching sex & the city last night – a really old episode was on, where carrie moves to Paris, with alec – the russian artist – and she was upset that he didn’t have the time for her – he worked & left her to eat & roam & even sleep by herself – she broke it off with him, the whole time she was in this beautiful romantic city – she kept thinking about big. she told alec  exactly who she is, and what she wanted:

‘i am someone who is looking for love, real love, ridiculous, in-conveniant, consuming, can’t live without each other love’

i am you carrie bradshaw – i am one of the millions of women in the world who compare themselves to you – i am you.

having said that – i lied – i am me – however things have being pointing in odd directions lately – perhaps they are coincidences, perhaps they are signs for how i should go about future decisions.

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