so much to say

i apologize in advance – this is the longest post – i’ve ever posted.

to start off; it’s 9:25 – i’m in bed – i paid $35 bills for a not very nice job on a full set of acrylic nails – painted french – because they didn’t have white tip – eh, i’m not a fan of the paint job.

try ignoring my face; i’m not wearing make up & my hair is a meeeessss

this morning – i woke up at around 8am to a very random text message; talked on the phone a little bit; snuggled for as long as i possibly could – and come 9am – i was on the verge of getting out of bed – 10am; my closet had been cleaned up

then i was off to cleaning my room; which took forever – i dusted off my shelves; got under my bed and washed up my floor – twice; did half my laundry [momma did the other half tehe] i organized all my shieet – then 12ish – 1 – was time for the bathroom – ugh; following the shower was the guestroom – that was easy; and well – i had planned on doing some shopping after that – but that wasn’t going to happen.

something happened today; that – triggered something – in both, myself and my parents. so my silly brother – had this lamp – seems like forever; but he’s probably had it for about 8 years – and he’s used it only a few times, but enough to kill the bulb, so the bulb is dead – it’s a slightly awkward one to replace, you dont have these kind of bulbs layin around the house – take my word for it, so this lamp – it’s made of stainless steel – probably a good 40bills worth – and well, since we were doing our cleaning today – he decides that since the lamp doesnt work, and he doesn’t need it – he’s going to just throw it out.


my father found this lamp and began questioning why the fuck it is in the trash – and my mom – well, both of them were pissed – i was puzzled – even i know not to make a move like that. it’s not about the lamp – it’s not about the bulb – it’s about the fact that my eighteen year old brother – threw this thing out – this thing which was clearly not broken – looks new – with a beat bulb – the words coming out of my mothers mouth:

“you’ve either got to have a shitload of money to be throwing things like this out or be really fucking dumb”

and hold up – i’m not saying she called my brother “really fucking dumb” i’m just saying that what he did was moronic – which brings me to thinking..

why did he think that was an okay move?

my whole life i have respected my parents – they do anything and everything for me and my brothers – they get us anything that makes us happy – sure i work, but it’s the least i could do – and to be honest – my mentality [as well as my brothers] well, a majority of it comes from my parents.

am i saying they raised us wrong? no.

am i saying it’s their fault? – maybe not fault per say however – i can’t help but think that maybe they had done too much for us.

i am nineteen; going on twenty in may – i was filling out some paperwork today which required my social security number – i had to ask my mother for it. i don’t know my social – what the hell do i need to know my social for? i don’t have a bank account, i don’t have my license, i don’t freakin have the need to know my social security number – and when i asked my mom for it – she said she didn’t have it memorized – and that it’s my responsibility to know it – granted, it’s something i SHOULD know – however, i was never handed a social security card – my moms has always handled stuff like that – and now my parents are in shock as to why i’m almost twenty and i don’t know something so vital.

that’s the issue.

i also spent all day cleaning two rooms, a bathroom & a closet.

all day.

i’m a lazy fucking asshole.

why? shit – i don’t want to blame my parents; i really don’t. yet as much as i hate to say it – i wish we had chores growing up.

we never had to do anything.

i don’t know how to cook.

i never had to. my mom always cooked. how am i ever going to get married to a man and live with him, and not know how to cook? i want to learn how to cook.

i’m rambling – i know.

ps; i was watching the news today – or something on cnn rather – 2,500 people had been murdered in juarez, mexico this year alone – i find that ridiculous. people need to love one another.

violence scares me.

& i just had to mention that.

i’m tired – i’m antsy – i’m not seeing the boy tomorrow; it’s probably better that way – i still have shopping i need to get done. grrreeatt


5 thoughts on “so much to say

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