selections from the past

hahaahahhaha here; i’m going to cut and paste segments of entries i’ve previously posted – check out how fucked up i am – topics all vary.

“magda’s bf, mike always makes fun of me, which is cool – but according to him, and i guess i can’t deny it – i’m attracted to older men, yes, men. i like them 22+ i can’t deny it.. hahah mike is always like.. ‘nope he’s not 40 – he’s not your type’ but then again, do i have a type? i mean, i just know i like them tall dark and fucking handsome.. sure i love tattoos – but thats not a MUST have.. ”

“hhh the consequences of being a nineteen year old daughter to the owners of a fabulous restaurant; for one thing – it’s my day off, and i’m working.. which is fine, i mean, my parents NEVER get to go out, so i’ll deal – but the fact that i had to get up, get ready, get the menu printing, sign for delivery, and i’m waiting on a local newspaper to send some of it’s people my way”

“well, i haven’t spread the word in three days; it’s made me uneasy – i wish i could update my blog through my cell; i never have my laptop on me, ESPECIALLY when i want to write. but anyway – the last few days were dandy, i got to spend some time with my BEAUTIFUL goddaughter; she’s greatt :) i got her a cute little coat, it fits her greaat! and well, lets see – i also got myself a sexy ass coat; well – my momma bought that for me :) it’s by shelli segal; love it, and i got sick ankle boots; they’re flyyyy”

“holy shit, i turn TWENTY on may 12, TWENTY. i’m old. i need to learn how to pay bills, i need a car, i need a LICENSE, i need to learn how to be old. i don’t know how- i dont want to. i want to just be a kid, i want to stop time. i know one day i will read this blog, and laugh & cry at what i wrote, i know that day i will smile and think that i had it good, i like to think i’ll have it better in the future, scary to think about whats next.”

“i don’t know how to change my damn emotions. i’m always always always in a good mood,  i mean, prior to this whole week, which i won’t get into detail about, but i’m always trying to be happy, i hate being down – and now, there are just so many things running through my head, like – i don’t even know how to filter them out, or rather i don’t know if i should. i feel like i need an escape – call me dramatic, but perhaps i need a roadtrip, i need to clear my head. i havent figured out a way how, YET. school has been keeping me busy – but thats another thing i’m worried about, bills are piling up, and my goals in life have changed,  what am i going to do with my life? for the first time in life, i don’t have a damn plan. i mean what happened to me? i need new substrate. i’m not sure where to find it – i’m not sure what it is i can cling onto. but i need to. maybe an addiction. i’m thinking like a crazy person, i’m not depressed – i don’t believe in that shit. i’m an overall happy person, i just need to, relax, i guess.”

“feel like i’m trapped. i need to make today a good day. it’s been a fairly shitty week. yet yesterday i had a blast. i went out to leonia to volunteer at a kidney disease walk for a cure – nephcure. seeing all the happy faces after everything the kids and adults have been through – makes me realize how I don’t have it all that bad, yet I wish i had it better. everyone wishes and hopes. it’s one thing after the next – we have no choice but to move forward.”

“for some wacko reason, i’m not feeling my normal self today; got a slightly runny nose, a little cough, not cool not cool, i did however have a pretty good day, i got to see one of my best friends, she came to visit from rutgers, and we saw her boy for a little, and then grabbed some SUSHI! mmmm it was FABBUULOUS”

“so i havent really mentioned anything on here about boys, but recently – i won’t lie, i have been into a few guys. i mean not really into – but semi interested, for various reasons – and i know they’re into me. but none of them know about eachother, so i guess if they read this, my chances are over. BUT i’m okay with that. everything happens for a reason, and i’m sick of trying to find the perfect guy, i am done attempting to win them over, if you like me – tell me you like me, i’m not playing this game, it sucks – i wish i could be in a relationship, with ONE boy,  just one, thats all i need. i thought i had him too, but i was a coward – paybacks a bitch, but like i said, everything happens for a reason. i feel like i’m making myself sound like such a slut, but i cant exactly say how many boys i’ve been seeing – just incase the boys read, i mean, it could have been two, or three, or seven ;p hahah naah, i wouldn’t.  but anyway, so i’m just letting it out there, that i shall now be BREATHING, i am letting the boys go, i refuse to make the first move for atleast a week, lets see if they’re going too fight for me. i’m curious.”

“we decided on going to a kean univ frat, in which a good friend of mine is in ;] the minute we pull up to the house, of course, we see him sitting out on the steps – haha i didn’t tell him i was coming, so he was shoccckked! but we went in, met a bunch of cool people, hung out all night – got home at like 5, went to bed like 5:30 – woke up at 8, slept in intervals of 15 minutes, finally got up at 9, got ready, and caught the 11:04 train into the city”

– these are just from october

reminisce ; annakay


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