turning me on; borrowed


Five Ways to Turn A Girl Like Me On. from christine

There are many ways to turn a girl like me on. Loving dogs and being creative make the top ten. But, in the interest of time, here are the top five.

Number Five:  Maintain A Clean Bathtub

I don’t want to see your bathtub scum. I’m sorry. If you want me getting in that tub or shower with you, I better be able to see my reflection in the porcelain.

Number Four: A Bad Boy Turned Good Boy

Criminals need not apply.

But, if you have a history that includes smashing mailboxes, smoking pot, drinking at age 17, kissing two dozen girls, toilet papering houses, getting into a fights, cursing like a sailor, stealing cassette tapes from the General Store or skipping school… rock on.

Listen, I don’t want any of that shit now. I don’t want to call the cops on you or be part of any drama. But, I’m glad you’ve been around the block a bit.

Number Three: Use A Big Word or Two

Please impress me with your BIG words. Capricious. lascivious. Diaphanous. Doff. Ratiocination. I’ll google it if I don’t know its’ definition. I don’t care! I’ll love it if surprise me every now and then with your extensive vocabulary.

Number Two: Talk

I can talk enough for the both of us. But, I don’t want too! I want to be able to take you around friends and family and not have to babysit you. I want to be able to look across the room at you and see you comfortably holding your own in a conversation. Converse, please, it’s good for you!

Number One: Know How to Operate Heavy Equipment

I absolutely love a man who can operate heavy machinery. It’s even better if you need a special certification to do so. I want to cheer you on as you drive a fork lift, operate a basket lift or manuever a backhoe. Ok, ok, fine. Not everyone has access to a fork lift. Make sure you know how to operate a generator, start a snow plow, fix a lawn mower or, christ, dig a hole for a fence post. Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty.

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i love everything this woman just mentioned; mmmmm

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