i’ve noticed i’ve been slightly up and down, i’ve never had such mood swings – i mean, one minute i’m giddy and happy as ever, the next i feel like i’m in a shit hole, i don’t know why either, i mean, i’ve got everything i want – right?
well, almost everything.
i was thinking about something – the other day i was talking to this guy, i’m not friends with him, however, i’ve met him before – he’s very good looking, well built – i wouldn’t date him, but i’m attracted to him, he seems like a cool dude – and i was in a public place, we kept running into eachother, and he kept initiating conversation – which i thought was cute, every time he’d give me a smile – and every time i’d give him a smart ass remark – no joke, i was a semi bitch, and i feel like i came off as a jerk – but i’ll see him again, soon enough, and i’ll show him the real me. i mean he even caught on to the fact that i was being full of myself – and he started being as sarcastic as i was, it was funny – but made me think, like – what if i wasn’t just putting on an act, but being myself – i mean, i wasn’t really purposely acting big headed, it just kind of happened – we saw eachother a million times, but for a very short period – and every time we managed to exchanged a short amount of words, i dont know – i guess what i’m trying to say is that i’m not all that cocky on the inside, i am shy and self conscious, maybe i feel like i need to prove it to the world.
i am an attention seeker – i’ll admit it, i love it when everythings about me, i always assume i’m right, you’re wrong, but i mean – give me a break, if it’s not about me, why should it be about you?
i’m rambling; and completely veered off topic, but i guess not – this kind of relates, i was in a FABULOUS mood this morning, and now – i just have so much on my mind, i’m fed up with everything. fongul.
i guess i should apply that to my life. will do.