i’ve noticed i’ve been slightly up and down, i’ve never had such mood swings – i mean, one minute i’m giddy and happy as ever, the next i feel like i’m in a shit hole, i don’t know why either, i mean, i’ve got everything i want – right?

well, almost everything.

i was thinking about something – the other day i was talking to this guy, i’m not friends with him, however, i’ve met him before – he’s very good looking, well built – i wouldn’t date him, but i’m attracted to him, he seems like a cool dude – and i was in a public place, we kept running into eachother, and he kept initiating conversation – which i thought was cute, every time he’d give me a smile – and every time i’d give him a smart ass remark – no joke, i was a semi bitch, and i feel like i came off as a jerk – but i’ll see him again, soon enough, and i’ll show him the real me. i mean he even caught on to the fact that i was being full of myself – and he started being as sarcastic as i was, it was funny – but made me think, like – what if i wasn’t just putting on an act, but being myself – i mean, i wasn’t really purposely acting big headed, it just kind of happened – we saw eachother a million times, but for a very short period – and every time we managed to exchanged a short amount of words, i dont know – i guess what i’m trying to say is that i’m not all that cocky on the inside, i am shy and self conscious, maybe i feel like i need to prove it to the world.

i am an attention seeker – i’ll admit it, i love it when everythings about me, i always assume i’m right, you’re wrong, but i mean – give me a break, if it’s not about me, why should it be about you?

i’m rambling; and completely veered off topic, but i guess not – this kind of relates, i was in a FABULOUS mood this morning, and now – i just have so much on my mind, i’m fed up with everything. fongul.

i guess i should apply that to my life. will do.


4 thoughts on “recently.

  1. It’s okay to be an attention seeker while you’re young. That’s youth, by definition.

    But this boy. Maybe you just need to poke out of your shell a bit. Who knows? It might end up well… if it doesn’t, then there’s always another!

    • aaahhh well, in that case – i feel a little bit better, however this boy isn’t the boy for me – but it’s fun to joke around with him, i’m kind of seeing someone right now, and it’s going really well – i feel like maybe he’s the cause of my mood swings :x idontknow i’m a needy motherfucker, i need attention uugghh

  2. I used to be like that. I think it takes getting screwed over one good time….. at least in my case. Really cute guys would always hit on me and I was just a BITCH. Not because I didn’t desperately want somebody but because I didn’t want the world to know I desperately wanted somebody. I trued to act like I was so happy with myself and my situation but in reality I was miserable. I thought every guy that said hi to me was out to get me. I secretly felt like I wasn’t good enough and if I gave anyone a chance they would screw me over worse than the last one did. I was pretty messed up in the head at that time, though. I got over it. I stopped worrying so much and just acted natural.

    Damn- I miss those “staring at eachother from across the room” days. Made me all giddy lol- even if I didn’t particularly want to be the guy. Back then I think I liked having a little crush over a relationship anyways. No chance for disappointment haha.

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